There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
