While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
