I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
