i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
