Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
