I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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