Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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