I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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