Umm I'm too high to move.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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