I just saw a hot homeless man
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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