I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
