I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
