just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
