I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
