I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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