my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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