goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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