We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
there is glitter all over my balls
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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