Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
