I want to have your abortion
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
