Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
