My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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