His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
