This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
