She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My friends, they love my intelligence
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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