Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
