I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
