if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
