He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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