i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
