I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
