I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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