if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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