Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
