It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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