Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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