She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
