from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
