Will you blow on my dice?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
