1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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