Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
