it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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