I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
