is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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