It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
