Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im six kinds of drunk right now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
