My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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