We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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