Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
