eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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