I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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