Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
