Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
