i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
