In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
